Fate, Or Something Like It

It's funny how things work themselves out. Not funny ha-ha but funny I-can't-keep-this-smile-off-my-face. I have never been a believer of fate or ultimate plans, but something made me take awe in the unexplained chain of events that led me here, that led me to you. Because something so intricately woven cannot be charged to just mere coincidence. It's like the path has been laid out before, and we are entities gladly free flowing into what is meticulously designed to be.

His Smile In That Picture

Whenever I need a happy memory, I think of you and your smile in that picture. So pronounced and infectious. Beneath the blazing sky, the auditory racket, in the middle of organized chaos, I was there, and then, you were there. But above everything else, your smile was there. An emotion so rare before, a vision so fleeting, was at that time proudly present in all its giddy glory. I looked at you, amazed, and I feel my heart smile along with me.

Graceless

I pirouette beautifully in front of you, a graceful ballerina in strings. Bending over backwards for a private show, in a private room, in your private thoughts. I smile and I laugh and run my fingers through your hair and let you do the same to me. We would stare at each other’s eyes until dawn breaks, until the harsh sunlight reminds you of what is and what is not. Helping you remember that, darling, I do not know how to dance, and I do not hear the same music that is playing in your head.

Truth Is

We walk around this world like rag dolls, with trails of cotton lining the wake of our paths, unknowingly looking for something to mend our tattered remains. Sometimes, quick fixes appear, but they often leave as swiftly as they arrive, burning another hole, only rarely smaller than the previous one.

Truth is, everybody in this world needs saving. And the challenge lies in finding that elusive someone to fix each other with. You found me. And now we can only watch as our stars collide.

OD

24 hours. That is how long the effect of a two liner from you lasts in my system. The initial euphoria wears down after a while but the fuzziness, the warm, twittery feeling of that still untranslatable Tagalog word remains far longer. Like a once a day drug slowly working its way into my bloodstream and into my thoughts. Fogging up my windows of logic and reason. But then, as the hours go by, it wears off. And I am left, needing another dose.

You, On Loop

These are the fantasies worth replaying in my head a thousand of times. Like a favourite song on loop, beginning and end mashing together forming soundtrack music of hope. Where we would stare into each other’s eyes and it would be sweet and cliché and damn right beautiful. We would be oblivious of the people around and live in our own world the way I do not notice the man speaking to me now as I stare into space, an alternate reality, and you, playing in my head.

Let Our Scars Fall In Love

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

Let our scars fall in love.” 

-- Galway Kinnell

Helium-Filled Balloons

Last night I dreamt of you.

We were standing inside an amusement park, a slightly dilapidated one. There were still people milling around the place and screams of excitement from roller coaster riders but I could tell that the place was old and that it reeked of quiet desperation. To attract more customers, to bring back the energy and the blossoming hope of yesterday. This sense of despair ironically made me more inclined to leave the area. But then, what were we doing there in the first place?

"Did you bring me here?" I asked.

"Yes," you answered. "I thought you look pretty with that wind-swept, just-got-off-a-ride look. And those balloons that you're holding makes you look so innocent. I love looking at you."

The Movie In Her Mind

Everybody adores a gravity defying love story, whether read from books, watched from movies or heard from the people around us. These are the ones that are met with teary-eyed lamentations and sighs of wonder. Almost always, also with jealous yearnings on how these rare unforgettable tales could hopefully happen to mundane beings and not just to scripted and powdered actors under the heat of a spotlight and a rolling camera.

One Tricycle Ride Away

It was two days before the board exam. I was hoarse from shouting inspirational mantras from our review center's last day of final coaching in Aliw Theater. After the program, my friends decided to visit a nearby church to seek the help of every spiritual aid we could. It was also dark, rainy and slippery and after our trip, I was absolutely exhausted and stressed, and also with that jittery nervous feeling of confronting the face of death that Saturday.

But I have one more stop to go to before I collapse in a useless pile of anxiety in my bed. Your house. Because it's your birthday. And I wanted to be there for your simple celebration, just to show I remembered, and I care.

There Is No "He"

"I don't want to do this anymore."

You whisper as the tears start to fall down your cheeks, wiping off your foundation like a melancholic tidal wave. What do you do when the hurt, the wishes and the yearnings are too much to bear? The feelings and the words that you have longed to say have been bottled up for too long that it is now rushing out with selfishness and haste. Never mind the years you have spent together, you've had more than enough. And even though you know the words will hurt him, you say it still.

Conversations: Falling From Midair

"Do you love me?"

"Of course."

"Do you really?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"I want to know what we are." 

Dear Diary, Part 2

Dear Journal,

And yes, you are a journal and will never be called a "Diary" for the term implies absolute feminism it's embarrassing to hear from a grown up man much less know that somebody with a Y chromosome is keeping one. I'm sorry for keeping you a secret but I have a reputation to protect. I know you don't understand but it's perfectly fine since you're an inanimate object that I am writing on and thus have no actual feelings.

Last Dance, Last Chance

I've never seen everyone so beautiful before. The multicolored lights dance around the large dome as bodies press unto one another. A slow passionate melody plays in the background, as if coaxing everyone to fall into the abyss of wonder and excitement of what is and what could happen as the night wears on.

Verses: The Invisible Circus

Glossy eyes, interested looks

Scribbled notes and open books

Deathly silence as if in awe

Reading everything as if it's the law

Mind elsewhere, mental snores

48 new worlds behind closed doors

Verses: Nosebleed

A blank piece of paper is once again presented to me

In the middle of a discussion I can never clearly see

It's disturbing how more than a year has already passed

Since I've written any poetry or prose that would forever last

Verses: Dark Cold Hotel Room

She puts the martini glass down the table

And think of ways how she's going to be able

To escape out of this mess that she has made

To pull herself from the wreckage before she fades

Verses: A Step Away From Heaven

Wind blows from all directions  chilling the midnight sky
The temperature drops down as the carcasses of dried leaves fly
Fly and flutter into the hearts of the unfortunate down there near the void
The air is freezing and you're looking for someone, a warm hand to hold
He's there just waiting for the right timing, he's there simply searching

Verses: Illusion

Through blurred spectacles I saw you
Through the thundering sea you were there
Standing, waiting for the final moment
When everything will be over and done with
The music began to play and everybody waited
I was one of them, my breath unconsciously held
You opened your mouth and out cam nervous words
I could feel the pain, the fear and the tension
I gasped for some more comforting air

The Promise

The air was unpleasantly chilly and the thundering rain was making the wet pavement more slippery. A large team of rescuers draped in yellow plastic coats were soaking wet from the downpour, trying hard to slowly and carefully pull an injured man out of the scarred metals and disfigured parts of a car. Most unfortunate it really was that this vehicle was sandwhiched between an electric post and a delivery truck, the impact nearly flattening the car and throwing out the hope of somebody surviving the dreadful accident.